I capitalize "love" for a very specific reason, because it is Love
not that worn out fifteen year old phrase that often symbolizes
goodbyes. I mean true Love, when you know you are destined
for that person and no one else.
As I was saying, a rough patch.
But what is a "rough patch"?
How long does it last?
How long should it last?
These are questions I ponder relentlessly as if the answer is just within reach, but I feel the torment of Tantalus himself upon reaching the verge of my answer.
I live my life very simplistically, I want few things, I need even less and I've reached the maturity to decipher my needs from my wants.
Love is something I believe I need, Love is something I know I want.
But at what cost should we give to achieve this? A life, a choice, a calm?
I don't know all that I've given, or all that I could give.
Once I've resigned myself to give something away, I no longer think about it as being mine. To me it's simply- gone. I no longer miss or pine for what is no longer mine, because it doesn't make sense to. However with this philosophy comes danger, When you give and forget, other people start to forget- in regards to what they're taking.
My rough patch, is not actually a rough patch at all- but rather an inability for me to understand or comprehend a number of my faults and shortcomings. This leads me to believe that everything is okay- even when they are most clearly not.
That is the rough patch for me, a paradox of sorts.
I don't realize I'm in a rough patch, and the only reason I'm in a rough patch is because I fail to realize that I am in one.
Perhaps my live and let live mantra is gathering dust along with my chivalry (which is surely gathering dust).
I'm so easy to make happy, I can be happy with almost anything. But maybe, I'm too easy to please, just maybe my standards of happiness are too low. Perhaps I shouldn't be okay with things that I'm okay with, should I take a stand against things I'm not against?
How does one fix this problem?
How do you cure a problem that most people would kill to have?
But what is a "rough patch"?
How long does it last?
How long should it last?
These are questions I ponder relentlessly as if the answer is just within reach, but I feel the torment of Tantalus himself upon reaching the verge of my answer.
I live my life very simplistically, I want few things, I need even less and I've reached the maturity to decipher my needs from my wants.
Love is something I believe I need, Love is something I know I want.
But at what cost should we give to achieve this? A life, a choice, a calm?
I don't know all that I've given, or all that I could give.
Once I've resigned myself to give something away, I no longer think about it as being mine. To me it's simply- gone. I no longer miss or pine for what is no longer mine, because it doesn't make sense to. However with this philosophy comes danger, When you give and forget, other people start to forget- in regards to what they're taking.
My rough patch, is not actually a rough patch at all- but rather an inability for me to understand or comprehend a number of my faults and shortcomings. This leads me to believe that everything is okay- even when they are most clearly not.
That is the rough patch for me, a paradox of sorts.
I don't realize I'm in a rough patch, and the only reason I'm in a rough patch is because I fail to realize that I am in one.
Perhaps my live and let live mantra is gathering dust along with my chivalry (which is surely gathering dust).
I'm so easy to make happy, I can be happy with almost anything. But maybe, I'm too easy to please, just maybe my standards of happiness are too low. Perhaps I shouldn't be okay with things that I'm okay with, should I take a stand against things I'm not against?
How does one fix this problem?
How do you cure a problem that most people would kill to have?
A Jug fills Drop by Drop - The Buddha
ReplyDeleteI read this again Marc. I guess my whole philosophy about life is to anticipate adversary, to challenge you from time to time again. It seems like it challenges you most when it recognizes you as a worthy adversary. So, if something is meant for you to accomplish, I think it knows the agenda for your life. Don't be surprised if that happens and just take it for what it is, as long as you are aware of it, then knowing is half the battle. It's cool being the only one, but it's lonely. We are all very unique and complete originals, all of us. There has to be some loneliness in that.
ReplyDeleteThis made me remember so much the sweet Marc I knew, back during Xanga days. Your chivalry is not dead, maybe just dormant. It's too integral a part of who you are, I feel I know you enough to know that.
ReplyDeleteAh my friend, here we find ourself looking into one of the inexplainable details of the human frailty, the need and want to find that of which we don't have.. Love, what is love? but a supreme like, a feeling to give all that there is to attain, yet when you forget all that you have given, you forget the value of that which is attained. And when nothing has value, what is worth wanting?
ReplyDeleteThe best part of love, is not the fact that you love at all. It is the feeling of being loved in return, the gratification of pleasing another. It is in this which you mush search, this is what it will take to discover how much, is too much. What is the wrong and the right, because within love, there must be compromise, and within this compromise you will find how much of yourself to give, yet always remember how much you gave, in order to remember what it is worth.